A Day At a Time

2011-11-13T17:32:00.000-08:00

THE SECRET SOME OLD TIMERS DON'T WANT YOU TO KNOW

This is something that I have been pondering for quite some time. Partly because I’ve always been concerned why people went out after a long time and why I still seem to have to work so hard at it when a good percentage of folks with a lot of time don’t – they just seem to show up and hit the Replay button when they share. So I’ve been studying what they share, and what they don’t share, and what they do. I also find out what people who did go out have to say beyond “I stopped going to meetings.” So it’s been a long time coming.

It is completely my own opinion; I can’t substantiate it with anything other than my own experience and observation, so please take it for what it is worth. It isn’t directed at anyone – just an observation because I am concerned about my own sobriety. Nothing personal – but definitely want to help myself understand why there seems to be a disparity in “old timers.”

It has taken me twenty years to begin to understand why some people with double digit sobriety drink again. They will usually say something like “I quit going to meetings.” When they share at meetings, you rarely hear what’s going on TODAY. They talk about what it used to be like and platitudes, almost as if it’s been prerecorded. They talk ABOUT the Program, not what they’re currently doing. They most likely will not even be aware of it – for by now delusion will have returned.

They are living in FEAR – FRANTIC EFFORT TO APPEAR RECOVERED. Like my sponsor says – we don’t slip or quit AA, we back out. They have started working the 12 Steps in reverse.

Thoroughly Have We Seen a Person Fail Who Has Rarely Followed Our Path

12. We stopped practicing these principles in all our affairs and as a result stopped having spiritual awakenings. So we tried to carry the old message to alcoholics.

11. No longer practicing prayer and meditation on a regular basis, we failed to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, seeking only our will for us and the power to carry that out.

10. We stopped taking personal inventory and promptly admitting when we were wrong.

9. We stopped making direct amends wherever possible unless it could be used to our own advantage.

8. We started keeping mental lists of those who had wronged us and began to rationalize and justify our parts and how they were more at fault.

7. We vainly asked God to reveal our virtues and we shared it with others.

6. We were entirely ready to have God reveal all their defects of character.

5. We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to anyone who would listen the exact nature of their wrongs.

4. We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of everyone else.

3. We made a conscious decision to take our will and our lives back from the care of a God as we no longer understood him.

2. Believing that we were restored to sanity, we were, in fact, in full flight from reality.

1. Too busy managing our unmanageable lives –we lost self-control and we drank again.

Based on my observations and experience, these are the types of things I listen for when I listen to anyone with any length of time share. Are they sharing ABOUT the Program, or are they sharing what they are doing now, on a regular basis? We share our experience so others can identify with us and so we can remember how it was, not how we wish it was or think it was. Then we share what actions we took to bring about change, what those changes are, and what we are continuing to do. Anyone who is only sharing what it used to be like and then starts quoting or talking about the Program and leaves out the actions today may very well be doing the following.

The secret that some old-timers don’t want you to know is … that they haven’t actually worked the Steps or used a sponsor in a very long time. They are practicing alcohol-ISM, or I SPONSOR MYSELF. I don’t want that to be me and if anyone catches me at it – PLEASE POINT IT OUT TO ME!

And now for the minority opinion: I also know a handful of people who have never had a sponsor or worked the Steps and they stay sober by going to meetings and help a lot of people. The bottom line is I have to do what works for me. As long as it keeps working I will keeping working it.

A Day At A Time

A Day At a Time